Local News

A local employee who bravely fought off attempts by some co-workers  to warm up their lunch in a restricted area has been murdered.

J. Paul Stunnedprick  was beaten to death with a barbecue flipper, by an enraged cook with frostbite.

J. Paul Stunnedprick pulled himself away from an important filter change to save the workers, who were having a Christmas luncheon. Unbeknownst to the employees, people underneath them in a building foyer were attempting to use a propane BBQ surrounded by the highly volatile construction substance: concrete.

Stunnedprick learned of the evil plot while working away at his job at a local mill. He immediately dropped all his oil soaked rags and absorbent sheets and bravely set out to squeal and save the day. Sadly, a memorial site was set up for Stunnedprick around the rag and oil pile in his honour.

In response to the tragedy, a provincial government cease and desist order went out to all owners of household appliances, powered by propane, to immediately shut down or use outdoors to prevent oxygen starvation, and hot meals.

Police led away the accused murderer who was heard by witnesses at the scene muttering, "That annoying little prick!".

People wishing to donate in Stunnedprick's memory are asked to direct all monies to The United Heads for Hemp in British Columbia.