Local News
A local
employee who bravely fought off attempts by some co-workers to warm up their lunch in a restricted area
has been murdered.
J. Paul Stunnedprick was
beaten to death with a barbecue flipper, by an enraged cook with frostbite.
J. Paul
Stunnedprick pulled himself away from an important filter change to save the
workers, who were having a Christmas luncheon. Unbeknownst to the employees,
people underneath them in a building foyer were attempting to use a propane BBQ
surrounded by the highly volatile construction substance: concrete.
Stunnedprick
learned of the evil plot while working away at his job at a
local mill. He immediately dropped all his oil soaked rags and absorbent sheets
and bravely set out to squeal and save the day. Sadly, a memorial site was set
up for Stunnedprick around the rag and oil pile in his honour.
In response
to the tragedy, a provincial government cease and desist order went out to all
owners of household appliances, powered by propane, to immediately shut down or
use outdoors to prevent oxygen starvation, and hot meals.
Police led
away the accused murderer who was heard by witnesses at the scene muttering,
"That annoying little prick!".
People
wishing to donate in Stunnedprick's memory are asked to direct all monies to
The United Heads for Hemp in British Columbia.
Comments
Post a Comment